Detroit Hustles Harder

This is the truest statement and should be the unofficial motto of the city:

That being said, I hate Detroit. But I truly love it too. The things I hate about Detroit aren’t really the crime rate (you will not die within a hour of entering the city unless you came there for bad purposes), or the phenomenal unemployment rate (hey, it’s hard to find a job anywhere).

What I hate most about Detroit is that it is so gravely misunderstood by outsiders (and by outsiders, I’m including people in the Detroit-metro area) as a place that is as hostile as Qandahar. The glorious flip side of this is seeing the flicker of fear and admiration in someone’s eyes when you go out of state and tell someone you’re from Detroit. “Really? Is it scary?”

The second thing I hate most (and its a painfully close, skin-of-teeth second) about Detroit is its administration. Since the days of the Kwame Sutra and even before that, Detroit has had some truly ass-backward people in power. In Detroit, if your name is recognized, you will get elected to mayor/city council (really, this is true everywhere but esp. Detroit). Doesn’t matter if everyone on the council is greedy, ghetto or nearly braindead, Detroit rezzies will elect them because he/she has the same last name as ______, was on the news,has pretty hair, is RayRay’s cousin, etc. (i.e. Monica F**king Conyers, [1] [2] [3])

But those are really the only two things that bother me. I love that there are people who embrace The D. We all know the Detroit celebs that love and adore the city they hail from

(Eminem, Kid Rock, every Motown singer ever) and the ones that try to hide it

(Yes, you, Madonna). But even Madonna can’t hide her Detroitness, that ballsy outspokeness and take-no-prisoners relentless drive is Detroit all day long, just delivered in a slightly English accent.

I can already feel the post getting ridiculously long as I’ve got a lot to say about it, so I will make a point about business in Detroit, share a video and wrap it up:

I said all that jazz about embracing Detroit because there was a BRILLIANT plan for Detroit’s severe urban blight problem…you know, this crap…

And actually doing something with it, instead of City Council sitting on their butts talking about what they’re going to do with actualfacts crumbling buildings.

Mark Siwak, a guy from Clawson (which is maybe half an hour out from the city), wanted to erect a zombie theme park in Detroit, turning the blight into the [most perfect] setting for the world’s largest game of Zombies vs. Humans.

City officials reaction? “Absolutely not.” They don’t even go as to say why, as if this is an idea more ridiculous than laying off firefighters or turning out street lights in what is often called THE MOST DANGEROUS CITY IN THE UNITED STATES. Detroit can only have so many urban farms. And there’s a zombie park opening in Atlanta this Halloween…

I support Mark Siwak’s idea and have a completely different ruin idea of my own that I would absolutely love to see into fruition in Detroit. But that’s looking like another post.

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2 thoughts on “Detroit Hustles Harder

  1. I saw this and thought you should check out my T-shirt design, “Love Hate Detroit” and my other one “Detroit’s A Bitch… And I Love Her!” You can find it on Etsy @DieHardDetroit or on my fb: Johnnyunderfireoften Ufo. You may even like my Detroit art work. Thx for your time

  2. […] How to Make Detroit’s Layout Really Work Someone Tell Me Why Detroit Was Passed Up For Social Media Week Detroit Hustles Harder […]

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